Dear St Elizabeth, Since you are the patron Saint of Bakers,The Poor and Sickly Children I am writing to you today to ask you to grace and bless my kitchen.Although I am not a Catholic I do feel you are the one to send my prayers to.You see I am the household baker here,there is a sickly child in the house and somehow I the non-Catholic received at birth the sainted middle name of Elizabeth passed down to me through many generations some of whom the I know were devoted Catholics.
I need your help you see,real bad.Lately every time I try and bake something goes crazy in the oven.That's terribly wounding to ones ego you know. The oven arched,the cake burned,the cookies were charcoal and now the cake pans over followed into the oven that was just cleaned.Some how there is a curse going on in the kitchen and my family is starting to curse me for one more batch of some sort of burnt sugar.
Maybe I called the curse upon myself.I had tried to have a conversation with that fellow from China,The Kitchen God,maybe he did not hear my cries of woe due to a language barrier or maybe he's just not taking any calls right now,I don't know.All I know is I need some divine intervention here.Maybe the cursing of my kitchen came about because I turned my back on my own ancestors God and Saints but I have a really good reason for calling on The Kitchen God.I was raised Unitarian and just thought well all roads lead us to God after all what could it hurt to call upon another faiths God.I am guessing this is not so when it comes to the blessings in a kitchen.
So dearest St.Elizabeth if I build you a shrine in my kitchen,lay roses upon it and light some candles would you, could you, please come and bless my kitchen? I am worried that soon after eating too many batches of charcoaled treats I won't have just one Sickly Child but two and a man and wife as well all with belly aches.
(Ok I know all of you natural medicine people are thinking "But Charcoal is a belly ache cure." I don't think they use burnt cookies for this remedy.)
I need your help you see,real bad.Lately every time I try and bake something goes crazy in the oven.That's terribly wounding to ones ego you know. The oven arched,the cake burned,the cookies were charcoal and now the cake pans over followed into the oven that was just cleaned.Some how there is a curse going on in the kitchen and my family is starting to curse me for one more batch of some sort of burnt sugar.
Maybe I called the curse upon myself.I had tried to have a conversation with that fellow from China,The Kitchen God,maybe he did not hear my cries of woe due to a language barrier or maybe he's just not taking any calls right now,I don't know.All I know is I need some divine intervention here.Maybe the cursing of my kitchen came about because I turned my back on my own ancestors God and Saints but I have a really good reason for calling on The Kitchen God.I was raised Unitarian and just thought well all roads lead us to God after all what could it hurt to call upon another faiths God.I am guessing this is not so when it comes to the blessings in a kitchen.
So dearest St.Elizabeth if I build you a shrine in my kitchen,lay roses upon it and light some candles would you, could you, please come and bless my kitchen? I am worried that soon after eating too many batches of charcoaled treats I won't have just one Sickly Child but two and a man and wife as well all with belly aches.
(Ok I know all of you natural medicine people are thinking "But Charcoal is a belly ache cure." I don't think they use burnt cookies for this remedy.)
If St. Elizabeth doesn't come through for you, we can always appeal to St. Jude.
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